Confusion.

It's 1:30 a.m. and I'm still awake. My mind is a stew of thoughts and emotions.

My friend Bess informed me Sunday via Skype, and my band director yesterday via email, that the longtime band director at Boise State University, David Wells, succumbed to cancer. He was 70.

The marching bands at BSU and UO have a particularly close connection -- the BSU chapter of Kappa Kappa Psi, a national honorary band fraternity, is the parent chapter for UO's colony (basically a pre-chapter.) So many OMB members have met and developed close friendships with many members of BSU's band. And of course, as musicians we're all part of the tight circle of band. When tragedy hits one group, we all are saddened.

Although I didn't know Dr. Wells personally, it's still a somber occasion. His death marks the end of an era for the Blue Thunder Marching Band and the beginning of a new, very different one. Band directors have a certain effect on the musicians they oversee, and their individual character is reflected in the performance of the band.

R.I.P. Dr. Wells. You will be missed.

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Speaking of Boise State, one of my friends who attends BSU randomly messaged me on Facebook saying "Hey, haven't talked to you in a while, we should change that."

My response: "Hi."

My brain's response: Huh?!?

You see, I had tried to talk to him several times on Skype in the past week or so. Most of those times he didn't respond. When he did respond, he said he had to leave soon. Why? To talk to his "ex of choice" on Skype. Yep, they're no longer officially dating, but they still make a point to talk to each other, even going so far as to say "I love you" to each other. He cares a lot about this girl, and yet she treats him like crap time and time again.

Why is it that so many of my male friends are so painfully masochistic? Another one of my male friends, who I met just recently, was talking to his roommate one night. He said something to the effect of "Sometimes I wish I wasn't such a nice guy." Yet another case of guys giving their female friends everything in their power and getting nothing in return.

Of course, if they're not "nice guys," they're douchebags. Like Chase. But we won't get into that. Mostly because you already know most of the story. And personally, I'd much rather have guys be too nice than be arrogant, uncaring jerks. I just wish I didn't have to watch my friends get hurt.