melancholy

I reread through some old blogs tonight.

Some of them made me feel ill because they were directed toward people who are now among my best friends. However, at the time they were full of anger, full of hate, particularly toward one guy in particular.

Now, though, I realize that while I was angry with him at the time, it didn't stop him from making it up to me by being there when I needed him most. When another friend hurt me very deeply, he was there with hugs and comfort.

I was angry because he was dating one of our mutual friends, after leading me on unintentionally and before I had completely turned away from him. Now, I realize that even though that fact is part of the current situation, that doesn't change a thing about our friendship.

And after a conversation with the aforementioned mutual friend, I realized even more just how much of a genuine, sweet, caring, selfless person he really is. Any girl would be lucky to have him.

He's one of the best friends I ever had, and I'm glad he's happy.

Now, though, I'm more lost than ever. Still so many unsolved problems with so many other people. I'm tempted to just give up while I'm behind.

Gah. It's almost 2:30 a.m. I need sleep. More later. I have a feeling these are going to get a lot more frequent and emotional.