(insert profound song lyric here)

Because right now, I can't think of one, and I don't want to force anything into being a title. It has to flow naturally. It has to be the song that makes its way into my mind and refuses to leave.

I'm completely lost right now.

I feel like such an awful person. I can't bring myself to completely ignore people, so the only other option is for me to be labeled as a creeper.

I feel another friendship dissolving right under the eggshells I find myself walking on so I don't get myself in trouble...again.

I was looking forward to a happy summer. Instead, I'm jobless, constantly being compared to my siblings or other family members, and more and more people seem to hate me every day.

I look at my siblings, then I look at myself, and I wonder what the hell went wrong. My sister, who nearly didn't graduate high school, is leaving next week for basic training for the Navy. So of course everyone's proud of her.

And my step brother...has a job, has a girlfriend, has his own vehicle that he can afford to insure himself. So of course everyone's proud of him, they hold him up as a model for everyone else to emulate, they openly applaud everything from how he has his life under control to how even though he's finally committed to ONE girl, he's still doing the responsible thing and waiting until after they're both done with school before they get married.

Then they turn to me and say, "Have you considered match.com?"

Grrrrrr...this is why I'm going to drink...after I turn 21 that is...

You never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb...

I just want something to go right for once.

I want to be able to have a friendship that can turn into something more without things having to become awkward later on.

When you say "we're still friends," I want to believe you.

When I'm willing to understand you, preferring to have you instead of what the world defines as perfection, I just want to know it was worth it.

I want my friends back.

(Avenue Q, "There's a Fine, Fine Line")

I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're about to cry...

The world must be coming to an end. I did, after all, use lyrics from an artist whom I absolutely can't stand. From her most painful, cliched song, no less.

However, I think it pretty much describes my role right now.

I'm always willing to listen, to provide a shoulder to cry on, to reassure you that everything's going to be ok.

The problem is, I don't think I'll ever be more than that to anyone.

I'm too good at being a good friend.

I guess I just really hate seeing the people I love and care about being hurt by people who they love and care about. They come to me because they have no other way to vent their hurt and frustration.

And I take that on. Willingly. Happily.

I just wish my life was more...balanced. That I can continue being the one people go to for help, but that I can also have something that doesn't go from a friendship to an awkward mixed signals situation.

I don't know if that will ever happen. Or if it even can.

But whatever. I need to go to sleep soon.

Here's to another day of what will likely be disappointment. Especially since I'm going to the SOM tomorrow for some much-needed chill time, which also happens to be the territory of the primary people who are making me sad at the moment.

Here goes nothing.

(Taylor Swift, "You Belong With Me")

There's nothing to see here, people, keep moving on...

When faced with the choice between the risky, dangerous friendships and the people with perfect lives who look down on you for not having what they have...

I will choose danger.

Every. Time.

Sorry to those who I'm disappointing. I know you enjoyed having me as your bitch.

Cordially,
Nicole

(She Wants Revenge, "These Things")

They'll tar you and drag you through town...

Blog coming soon.

I'm pissed.

At almost everyone.

Except Ashley, Danny and Alitia. You guys are amazing and I love you.

(Cake, "End of the Movie")