Clarinet love

Over the past few years, I have come across several signs of a true music lover. Such signs include: You experience a feeling resembling orgasmic bliss whenever you come across a song/piece of music you haven't heard in years -- but LOVE; You fight tooth and nail for the solo when your ensemble is playing your favorite piece (as I would have in high school if our band had ever played Rhapsody in Blue); and one I've had the chance to experience multiple times: You will go to outrageous lengths to repair your instrument without subjecting it to a music store repair person, and you have a selection of personal favorite homemade remedies for instrument emergencies.

I first experienced the need to self-repair my instrument in February 2007 after an unfortunate pep band accident -- which I don't want to relive but if you really want to know I'll tell you -- caused a transverse fracture in the middle of my plastic clarinet. (For those of you not familiar with medical vocabulary, a transverse fracture is one that goes straight across a bone, or in this case the plastic body of my clarinet. And in my defense, the plastic was old and starting to get brittle.) Luckily I didn't break any keys otherwise I would have had a much more complicated problem. As it was, I had to play my instrument the next day, so I used masking tape and electrical tape to secure the two halves of my clarinet until I could go to the store for Gorilla Glue (which really is the strongest glue on Planet Earth.)

This worked well for about five months, until marching band season started. I hadn't played in the band for a week when the Gorilla Glue finally decided to give in. So I checked out from the UO what I can describe only as the clarinetist's equivalent of the $50 "bargain" car sitting on the side of the road. Once possibly a playable instrument, the homemade pads on the top joint and cracks in the barrel clearly showed that its glory days were well behind it. Still, I needed something to play at that Saturday's game, so I learned to deal with not being able to play any low notes until after I had warmed up for at least 15 minutes.

I carted the POS around until last Saturday, the Festival of Bands. Somehow, while I was helping schlep auxiliary percussion onto the field, my (meaning the school's) instrument was stepped on by a member of another section (you know damn well who you are), this time breaking the lower joint at the bell (what's with all of these lower joint injuries?) Luckily, duct tape was readily available.

I'll take the opportunity now to thank Jordyn Lueker, who was nice enough to loan me one of her clarinets while I wait for my Ebay order to come from New York. My current instrument consists of a hodgepodge of parts from three different clarinets: my mouthpiece, her barrel, the school's top joint, her bottom joint and my bell. Two other cases, currently in my dorm room, house the unusable/extra parts of two other clarinets.

If anything, through the past six months I have learned many things. There are many ways to avoid going to a music store for an instrument repair; many people are more than willing to help in a dire instrumental situation; and you can fix anything with Gorilla Glue and duct tape.