I need to write.

I know I could be using this time to catch up on sleep. I probably should be using this time to catch up on sleep. But I've had so much on my mind lately, and no one I can really discuss it with. So...I guess I'll just send it out into the world.

Honestly...I'm still not sure what to make of this whole becoming an aunt thing. Yes, I've had almost three weeks to process this reality. But the truth is, I'm not ready. Not only that, but it's like my entire world has been shaken up again.

My mom and stepdad were hard on me during high school. It wasn't until my junior year that I was allowed to just casually hang out with my friends, dating was out of the question (not that anyone at my high school was worth pursuing back then anyway) and we all knew the reaction if any of us ever came home knocked up or having knocked someone else up.

Fast forward a few years. My stepbrother had multiple girlfriends throughout high school, and is now living ("in sin," some would say, although I guess the fact that they're both committed and Christian makes it somehow okay...?) with his girlfriend of a couple years. My parents have gone from telling us no dating whatsoever to trying to set me up with whatever males they can remember the names of (well, not literally, but they'll ask me, "What about [insert name here]? He's a nice guy, hard worker, goes to church.")

But the thing is, I would much rather be single for the rest of my life than be forced to spend the rest of my life with some stereotypical "nice church boy." Every social experience I've EVER had via church has been a COMPLETE nightmare. I've never made lasting friends there, and I'm definitely not going to go hunting for a man there. Hell, my ex was a "nice church boy" and look where that ended up. Clearly, that particular demographic and I don't get along.

And now, my sister's knocked up. By some guy she's been dating for a couple of months. And surprisingly, my parents...are okay with it. At least that's how it seems.

It's like, everything I've ever been told, every expectation, has been blown out of the water. Completely.

And then what makes it SO MUCH BETTER is my mom, posting photos on her Facebook wall of all the happy couples in the family...oh wait, one of these things is most definitely NOT like the other.

Don't get me wrong. I don't want a guy for the sake of having an accessory that also doubles as a cuddle buddy on cold winter nights. That's one of the most horrible reasons I can think of, other than money and a few other things, to be with someone. I will be single until I reach the ends of the earth. But I'm tired of the side-by-side comparisons with me and my siblings. It's like saying, "Look who's doing it right. And then look who's FAAAAAAILING."

And most of all, I'm tired of the double standards.