blarg...

I've hated exercising forever.
I now go for a walk almost every night.
I really like it.
I think being left handed would be sweet.
Sometimes I practice writing with my other hand just to see what it's like.
I have an addiction to Mountain Dew.
My favorite is Mountain Dew Voltage, although I've tried and liked almost every flavor.
I have a mini fridge full of the aforementioned Dew in my bedroom.
When in doubt, medicate.
Sometimes this may involve self-medication.
Because I don't drink or do drugs, self-medication usually takes the form of Mountain Dew.
Which is conveniently located in the fridge in my room.
After one day on the job, I'm confident I will love my job.
Parts of it also scare the crap out of me.
I'm extremely attracted to brown eyes.
I miss being in a relationship. A lot.
Not so much that I'll settle for just anyone.
But enough so that it still stings when people get all mushy in public.
I hate Valentine's Day.
And not because it's commercial. I love buying crap.
That's why Black Friday is so awesome.
But because it's a cruel, sadistic holiday designed to separate the happy people from the lonely people.
I feel like no matter what I do or don't do, I keep losing more friends every day.
This is my third year as a member of the Oregon Marching Band, and I'm still not completely sure I've found my place.
Finding my place may have been further delayed by my choice to drastically switch instruments in the middle of my college career.
Oh well. At least I can feel like I'm one step closer to being able to realistically dream of becoming a badass.
In addition to a clarinet, which I can play fairly well, I also own a flute and a keyboard, neither of which I can play.
Journalism is my other love besides music.
I decided on my major my junior year of high school.
I still don't know what I want to do.
I constantly worry that I'll never know.
I have random music moods, and iPod playlists to accommodate them.
I wish I would have been awesome enough to be in the student section for football my freshman year.
Then maybe it wouldn't seem so strange now when I go to volleyball games.
211 and 415 are my favorite songs that the garter bands play.
For those who don't know, that means "Separate Ways" and the theme from Duck Tales, respectively.
People look at me strangely when I know the words to stands tunes.
I don't really care.
I've passed that age when people think that sounding cool when you talk involves using profanity every other word in every sentence.
It's all about discretion.
I don't care what your religious beliefs are, or even if you have any.
I do care when you make a point to trash mine in front of me.
Especially when I don't do it to you.
I may not be the poster child for piety, but I don't appreciate feeling threatened.
I hate wearing my hair down.
I hate when it's in my face, and it looks terrible.
Which is why it's almost always up.
I miss a lot of people.
Some I will probably never talk to again.
Oh well, that's the way life goes sometimes.
I just wish this didn't happen all the time, with each new group of people I hang out with.
I'm craving egg salad right now.
But I don't know how to make it, and it's almost 11 at night, so Barry's is definitely closed right now.
Not that I want to go to campus right now anyway.
I'm tired of having people my own age act like they're my parents.
I already have some. I don't need more.
Especially when my actual parents don't boss me around that much.
I worry every day that after I graduate college, I'm going to fail at life.
I know a lot of people won't read this, and that's cool.
I won't judge you.
I just need to clear my mind so I can figure stuff out and where to go from here.

25 things...

1. I've recently discovered how much fun going for a nice long walk can be. Especially at dusk, or late at night with other people.
2. I occasionally and randomly burst into dance. This is just as likely to happen while walking down the sidewalk as it is in my apartment.
3. I kick ass at pinball. Whoever wants to challenge me, come on over!
4. I love fedoras. They add a touch of class to any outfit.
5. I'm growing more pessimistic about my future every day.
6. I love love love my new apartment.
7. I miss my friends who are at Boise State right now enduring band camp. Especially some of them whom I haven't seen in months.
8. I hate Miley Cyrus. With a passion. She's talentless, she's becoming more and more of a slut every week and her song "Party In The U.S.A." makes my ears bleed.
9. Conversely, I really like a lot of the songs I've heard on the radio lately. They're perfect for long walks and random epic dancing.
10. I think Dave Ramsey is really informative, regardless of what some people might think.
11. I love the bulk food section at Winco. Next time I go I'm going to stock up on snacks.
12. I'm getting more and more into movies than I've ever been in my life. Right now, my movie collection outnumbers Brian's, and I have a list of more that I want to own in the near future.
13. The ambience music at Old Navy is amazing.
14. I have way too many different instruments in my bedroom right now. I should learn to play more of them.
15. I'm slowly and steadily getting better at keyboard.
16. I really wish I could find my niche in the world.
17. I wish cooking didn't intimidate me so much.
18. I miss the dogs. I especially miss Lu, because I haven't seen her in nine months. I'm beginning to wonder if she's even considered our dog anymore. And it makes me sad.
19. That last one made me really depressed all of a sudden.
20. I really wish I could be more comfortable around some people, less comfortable around others and less impulsive in general.
21. At the same time that I'm excited about marching band, I'm also extremely worried. This is going to put me in a potentially difficult position. But I also know that I'm doing what I want to do, and I'm not going to let my past keep me from doing that.
22. I don't get why people are so shocked that I hate pet names. I like my name, so let's use it.
23. I have the moral values of a 1950s housewife, but the openmindedness of a 1960s flower child. This can annoy a lot of people. I don't really care.
24. There are certain areas of my life where I feel equally sure of myself and completely confused. As a result, I spend a lot of time frustrated because I don't know what to do.
25. I want love. True, unfailing love. And my friends are all confident that I'll find it. I want to believe them. But it's so difficult.

bored at PCC

What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling them how you feel, or looking into someone’s eyes when they are telling you how they feel?

Looking into someone's eyes in general is really difficult. But to answer the question, probably looking into someone's eyes when they are telling you how they feel.

Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way?

I was really angry last spring when my friends abandoned me for no explainable reason. And I'm not mad at most of them anymore.

You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago nonstop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them?

Probably my parents, to say that I love them.

You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid?

I'd let some people know, but I wouldn't just tell everyone; there are some people who don't need to know or wouldn't care, and I hate having tons of attention drawn to me/people making a huge deal about me. I'd probably do all sorts of crazy stuff that I've never done before, and I would probably be a little afraid, just because death is a scary thought.

You can have one of the following two things: Love or Trust. Which do you choose? Why?

Trust. Love seems to naturally follow.

You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dog’s life?

Of course. Any boss who wouldn't respect kindness and compassion is someone I wouldn't want to work for in the first place. Plus, there's nothing in that question that says that I will definitely be late for work... :)

You are unfaithful to your spouse/significant other. Do you tell him/her? Why or Why not?

First off, this would never happen to me, because I'm picky enough to choose to be in a relationship with someone I can devote the rest of my life to. However, honesty is always the best policy in any relationship, and your partner would probably rather find out from you than through the grapevine.

Your friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more then just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you do/say?

OH SNAP!

Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?

Sometimes.

Does love = sex?

Sex is a very important part of certain types of relationships, and once you're completely commited to someone (aka after marriage) it's an important part of showing your devotion to your partner. However, there are many types of love that people have for various other relationships (i.e. friendships, parent-child, pets, etc.) that shouldn't involve sex.

When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person?

Probably mediation with Alitia.

What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a friend, you love them or that you do not love them back?

That I don't love them back.

What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose?

I think it would be incredibly hard for me to give up all contact with other people. I've experienced isolation before, and it's more painful that almost anything else one can imagine.

Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them? Who were they to you?

Probably Mom, at some point today.

Imagine: it is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you?

A big tough guy with a mask.

Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not?

Yeah (assuming I can relearn CPR before the opportunity presents itself), because everyone deserves lifesaving effort if it's available.

You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your reason for making the decision?

First off, this question is messed up. But I'd probably save the grandmother.

Are you old fashioned?

In some ways, yes.

When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it?

Yesterday.

Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why?

Having never loved at all. It's a lot less painful.

If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be?

I wish someone would recognize my true potential, and that that someone wouldn't be a creeper.