You never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb...

I just want something to go right for once.

I want to be able to have a friendship that can turn into something more without things having to become awkward later on.

When you say "we're still friends," I want to believe you.

When I'm willing to understand you, preferring to have you instead of what the world defines as perfection, I just want to know it was worth it.

I want my friends back.

(Avenue Q, "There's a Fine, Fine Line")

I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're about to cry...

The world must be coming to an end. I did, after all, use lyrics from an artist whom I absolutely can't stand. From her most painful, cliched song, no less.

However, I think it pretty much describes my role right now.

I'm always willing to listen, to provide a shoulder to cry on, to reassure you that everything's going to be ok.

The problem is, I don't think I'll ever be more than that to anyone.

I'm too good at being a good friend.

I guess I just really hate seeing the people I love and care about being hurt by people who they love and care about. They come to me because they have no other way to vent their hurt and frustration.

And I take that on. Willingly. Happily.

I just wish my life was more...balanced. That I can continue being the one people go to for help, but that I can also have something that doesn't go from a friendship to an awkward mixed signals situation.

I don't know if that will ever happen. Or if it even can.

But whatever. I need to go to sleep soon.

Here's to another day of what will likely be disappointment. Especially since I'm going to the SOM tomorrow for some much-needed chill time, which also happens to be the territory of the primary people who are making me sad at the moment.

Here goes nothing.

(Taylor Swift, "You Belong With Me")